Wife and Child
by Generalpandathefourth
Summary: Anon asked: Hi I've got something for you :) Holly just got pregnant when Gail is called on mission (undercover) and the Gail is shot and she don't remember her wife now very pregnant Holly :D
1. Chapter 1

She hurt. She hurt bad. It didn't have a start or end, not in it's origins and definitely not in it's length. It was burning and throbbing, everything ached, god everything ached, and there was a worry that she couldn't quite place. She could feel it, beating as hard as the headache that just made an appearance, it was boiling in her gut, and squeezing her heart. Worry. Worry for what, she didn't know.

"Gail, you're up" a smooth voice gasped from her side. Relief.

She peeked open one eye, only to be met with a brown eyed beauty, making her open both to better see the woman by her side. Gail could not only feel the fast pace of her heart, feel the quickened race of her pulse, but the speedy beeps of a machine confirmed how she felt.

The woman looked her over, every feature untouched, her eyes filled with relief and worry and, adoration. _Adoration? What_

"Do you need anything? How do you feel? What the hell am I talking about, you've been shot and in a coma-" the brunette rushed.

"Water." Gail croaked. "

Yeah, yeah. No problem" the woman turned to the bedside table and went to pour what Gail guessed as water into one of the styrofoam cups, but it was empty.

"Damn, it's empty. I'm sorry, I must have finished it off, I've been drinking twice as much as I did before and you know how much that was." She laughed at her own words.

Gail's face scrunched up. _As I know? How would I know?_

"Which of course doesn't help the excessive peeing. Anyway, I'll stop talking your ear off and fill it for you."

The brunette stood slowly, and revealed a bulging stomach, round and protruding. _Pregnant?_ Gail watched as she waddled out the door and towards what appeared to be the nurses station, yeah definitely pregnant. The most beautiful pregnant person she'd ever seen, well the most beautiful person she'd seen ever, and apparently Gail knew this woman.

How could she forget someone like this woman?

Gail didn't have much time to ponder that before she melodic chimes of the sweetest laughter hit her ears, and of course it belonged to the sexiest person she'd ever lay eyes on. The beeps on the machine spaced out, missing every other line.

"Here you go sweetie," the soon to be mother smiled at her. "Sarah has promised to bring another pitcher in as soon as she can." She finished when she came to the bed, hand offering a cup of water.

Gail tried to sit up, forgetting how badly of a decision that was until she cried out in pain. Strong hands were suddenly on her, gently but forcefully pushing her back into bed, the sexy nerd was pushing her into bed. Gail smirked involuntarily.

"Stay."

"I usually don't like being told what to do, but you make it work." Gail's smirk grew sly.

The brunette gave a breathy chuckle and shook her head, just as she turned away to grab a tissue Gail saw the brown eyes turn a slightly darker shade.

"I make everything work, Honey." The woman winked at her and flashed the sexiest smirk Gail had ever witnessed. It did things. Lots and lots of wonderful things.

"Why don't you show me sometime" Gail suggested in the most seductive voice she could muster, the gruff of her sore throat was a great addition.

She wasn't quite sure where this was all coming from, why she was going all in to try and get this clearly pregnant and probably involved woman. But it felt so natural and easy, it just came out, plus who could see the woman and not try?

There came that laugh she heard from the nurse station, full and warm, it painted every one of Gail's insides with joy and adoration.

She came as close as she could to Gail's ear. "I can show you again once you're all healed, it might be the last time I can properly for awhile."

It would have given the proper effect if it wasn't for the total, overwhelming confusion that racked her body, leaving her shocked still.

The brunette must have sensed it and backed off, looking at her worriedly.

"What? What's wrong Sweetie? Did I hurt you?" She was almost in hysterics.

"What?" Gail stared right into her eyes.

"What, what?"

"You keep talking like you know me, like I know you, but I don't and it's starting to freak me out-"

"Okay, Gail, if this is one of your stupid mean jokes it's not funny. Please stop." Her beautiful face went from confused concern to slowly creeping fear.

"You're right, it's not funny" she stated slowly. The woman relaxed a bit. "But I'm not the one playing jokes here, you're the one playing around."

Her entire demeanour dropped and she took a few steps back, covering her mouth with her hand, the glass of water completely forgotten as it hit the floor. _Man this girl can commit,_ Gail thought.

"You-you don't know who I am?" She breathed.

Gail shook her head slowly, she didn't like the way the brunette was looking, it was making her nervous. She was -really- pregnant and looked like she really should have been sitting, like she was about to fall over any second from shock. Gail frantically looked around for the button to call the nurses, she couldn't talk above a soft voice so yelling for one was out of the question. Once she located the button she pressed it as fast as she could, over and over and over, until a redhead appeared.

Gail pointed to the brunette, "she needs to sit."

The nurse immediately went to the brunettes side and used herself as a crutch until she was sitting on the little couch at the wall at the end of Gail's bed.

"Dizzy spell?" The nurse asked Gail as she approached the bed.

"She doesn't know who I am." The woman whispered in disbelief, drawing the attention back to her. The nurse whipped around to look at the brunette, "pardon?"

"Gail, she-she doesn't know who I am. How can she" she trailed off as an almost sob burst from her throat. The sound sent a pang to Gail's chest.

"I'll be right back, I need to call Dr. O'Connally." The nurse rushed out of the room, leaving a silently crying pregnant woman with Gail unable to do anything.

She was so confused, she wanted answers but she wanted to comfort the brunette more. Gail wasn't good with those sorts of things though, she never had been, especially when it came to crying. But she had to try.

"Hey, um.." She realized she didn't know the brunettes name. "Beautiful, please don't cry. I can't do anything when I'm lying here and under demands to stay."

She peeked over her hands to meet Gail's stare and a small sad smile took over her features. "At least you still listen."

Gail smiled, joking, though sad and laced with heartbreak, was better than just crying.

"Just cutting the pretty girl some slack." Gail winked which earned her a small laugh.

"How can you still know how to comfort me when you can't remember?" She wondered aloud. Gail wasn't sure if it was a real question or just musings, it wasn't really a statement and not quite a question.

"I'm not sure, but I'll tell you that I have an overwhelming desire to comfort you and I'm not a comfy cozy person."

"Gail, happy to see you're up. I've been told you don't know who Holly is, is that right?" A tall man asked as he walked into the room, pen and paper at the ready.

Holly. She had a name. She smiled, it suited the brunette.

The man, Dr. O'Connally, went through an entire exam, physical and sociological. They went through everything she knew, from childhood to the last bits of her memory, people and places, work cases and so on. Gail was gapping the past few years of her life, told that it could be permeant or just temporary and they had to keep an eye on it. Something about how she hit her head really hard after being shot, and it was enough to cause a hairline fraction, not a big concern until now, plus the coma.

Then when the doctor left, Holly filled her in on everything.

Gail was married to Holly, their two year anniversary was in a few months. They met at a crime scene four years prior, and instantly they had a connection, Gail had even shared feelings at the end of the case -which she had laughed at until Holly told her the analogy. From there things progressed slowly, a stress releasing evening at the batting cages here, a plus one there, a Star Wars marathon here, an integration room kiss here and later there. Even being told the story Gail could tell how strong her feeling must have been for the brunette, she willingly talked about her feelings -although tough and uncomfortable-, she played sports, she stayed until nights end at a wedding, she did things she'd never usually do and it was all because of Holly. No wonder she put a ring on it.

The baby was theirs, they started trying after their first anniversary and Gail had gone undercover after their third try. The first was a miscarriage very early in, the second and third didn't take, so they went one more time just before Gail left. The uc job was supposed to be a couple months, no trouble, and she'd get back in plenty of time if the fourth one took.

They ran into some trouble during the uc, causing Gail to stay for an extra two months to deal with the added mess. Gail was on the last stretch when she was shot, and was in and out of a coma for the past month.

She'd woken up before, a few minutes Holly said, but she was all there and had made jokes about how pregnant Holly was. That part broke Gail. The way Holly's voice cracked, the way not knowing these things ripped at herself, it was killing her not being able to remember such important things.

How could she forget such a wonderful person? Her wife and child? The person she obviously trusted and loved enough to let in, get married, and decide to have a baby with. Gail had vowed never to make that mistake again, never get married, not after Nicholas. But she'd married this woman, this impossible woman, and they were going to have a baby. Gail was ripping at herself for forgetting, she felt horrible, and guilty. She was inflicting Holly with sadness she couldn't bare.

"I'm sorry." Gail whispered, barely audible. She meant it for Holly, but she didn't expect her to hear, she wasn't even sure if the brunette was still awake. She'd made Holly get onto the bed with her, Gail could see the exhaustion written all over her and knew she was going to crash soon, and the couch was too small for the pregnant woman to sleep on.

It was awkward to say the least.

Comfortable, because with every little touch brought a wave of warmth, a rush of something Gail had never experienced before. But they were tense. Really tense. Holly would flinch every time she touched Gail, every time her arm brushed the blondes, she didn't make eye contact, and she apologized profusely when her baby bump would accidentally touch her.

Gail hated that Holly felt the need to be so distant, to apologize with every brush of skin. She hated that Holly had all of this crap happen to her, let alone while pregnant. She hated herself for being the cause of it all. Why would she go under cover after just impregnating her wife, even if just for a little while, she knew no matter how easy and simple a case that it could go belly up at any moment. She knowingly left Holly, pregnant, and alone.

How could she do that to the wonderful woman cuddled into her shoulder?


	2. Chapter 2

Holly walked into Gail's room with her usual adorable waddle, holding two styrofoam cups from a restaurant she had never seen before, and wearing a smile that took Gail's breath each time the brunette wore it.

"Hey sweetie," she greeted in a voice Gail had come to realize was only for her and the baby. It was gentle, and warm, and held nothing but love and adoration. "I'm glad you're up."

"Oh yeah? And why is that Doctor Stewart?" Gail questioned as she tried to sit up and make room on her bed for the brunette.

After that first evening, two weeks ago, Gail had made Holly sit in the bed with her as much as possible. She claimed it was for the well being of Holly's swollen ankles, and that hospital chairs sucked in general let alone being pregnant and achy, plus she tended to fall asleep often and that wasn't safe -so obviously she had no choice and needed to sit in the bed with Gail. And while those excuses were true, they were still just excuses, ways to get away with cuddling and caring for Holly. A cloak to hide behind craving to be close to her.

Holly didn't hesitate in taking her place on the bed next to the blonde. Carefully wiggling into place while holding the take out cups into the air as to not spill. "Aside from that smile, and snark filled come backs, because I get to tell you that you're being released when you pass next rounds. Which I am one hundred percent confident you will."

"One hundred percent confident? That's a lot of faith, Doctor." Gail teased.

Holly passed Gail one of the cups with an amused smirk, holding her own on her baby bump, straw hanging from her mouth.

"I brought you a smoothie. It was a new restaurant when you left, we went a few times and you had declared it your new favourite. . .Anyway I was there for a smoothie and thought I'd get you your favourite." She said with a hint of shyness. The same uncertainty she held every time she brought up any stories or details of them, whether it be about favourite foods, habits, funny memories, or comfort tactics.

Gail looked at the light -puke- green substance in the cold cup handed to her, then glanced at the woman in bewilderment. "How the hell did you ever get me to drink something that looks like baby vomit?"

"It was considered one of those things you just _do_ , like when you did one of your disgusting cleanses and I had to try the vile concoction."

Gail nodded knowingly, she could see that happening, and then smiled uncontrollably when the story hit her. Holly drank the disgusting cleanse. For her.

"What?" Holly asked around her straw, a dark red, almost purple rushing down the clear straw.

"Nothing." Gail shrugged it off and changed the subject. "So when are we getting out of this place?"

"We should be out before dinner, so where ever and whatever you want, that's what we'll do." Holly smiled, and this one was different from any she'd seen yet. This one had attributes to her welcoming, full of love smile, but it also had something akin to relief and -again- uncertainty. As if they were on a first date and she was scared she was assuming something that could break the evening. And Gail found it adorable how nervous the brunette still was around her.

"I want to go home and make whatever you- _we_ have, I really don't care what it is. I can't remember the last time I had a home cooked meal, and not just because of the whole amnesia thing."

Holly giggled and shook her head. "I haven't been shopping in a week, I've been going with Traci and she was only free on Sunday after my appointment, so I'm not sure what I have."

"I don't care. It could be a bowl of cereal and I'd be good."

"As you wish, my Grumpy Kitten." Holly replied adoringly with bop to Gail's nose. "Now drink your smoothie before it gets warm and gross."

"As if it wasn't already gross." She sniggered, trailing off into incoherent mumbling.

It wasn't a long wait for Dr. O'Connally to examine Gail and sent her out on the promise that she come back for check ups, and take her meds when needed. Gail pretended not to hear the second part, she really hated being on pain meds, they always left her loopy and out of control. But Holly listened, of course she did, Holly listened to everything relating to her. She was a wonderful person like that.

Gail was excited. She was going to be spending more than just a glimpse of a day with Holly, she would be spending the majority of her days with Holly. She would be able to repay the favours and care for the brunette. And then there was all of the regular stuff that came with busting out of a hospital after spending the better part of two months in one of their beds.

And with it also came the feeling finding life again. Because it was weird being out of a bed for more than a few laps around the hospital floor, a bath room break, a ten minute shower. And seeing Holly outside of the hospital, out of the harsh, unflattering lights and in the pink glow of a sunset, was a sight she could really get used to.

Gail spent the entire drive home -which was a place she had no idea where it was or what it looked like. And that was another weird thing- watching the brunette. Watching the way her eyes danced as she glanced at her surroundings, watching the tiny furrow of her brow when she got lost in concentration, watching her body soften when she glanced Gail's way. She watched as Holly's hand migrated to the centre console and froze just before it reached out to touch Gail's thigh, putting thought into the seemingly thoughtless act. Gail had wanted to grab the hand, intertwine her fingers with the tan delicate ones that twitched to touch her, she wanted to hold Holly's hand and reassure it of its home with hers.

But she didn't.

 _Holly stopped for a reason, right?_ She could have offered her hand for Gail to take, but she didn't. Instead she brought it to her face to push up her adorably sexy glasses, in an equally adorable and awkward way, and placed it back on the stirring wheel where it would stay the rest of the drive.

"Holly," Gail used the voice of a reprimanding parent. "You are not sleeping on the couch. You've already been spending way to much time with me at the hospital, in stupid chairs and uncomfortable beds. You are sleeping in your bed and that's final."

Holly pouted from her seat on the make shift bed, arms crossed and lying on top of her protruding baby bump.

Gail was in the bathroom getting ready for bed when the brunette had made up the couch, and apparently begun to attempt to get comfortable in. She wasn't having any of it. She was hardly going to let Holly make the bed. Gail didn't want her to have to do anything.

"Now stop being an idiot and get to bed." Gail held a hand out to help her wife get off the couch. "You've got a busy day tomorrow, lots of nerding and doctoring, and you can't do that when you're exhausted."

Holly took the proffered hand and lifted off the couch, sighing heavily at the blondes insistence. A few nights on the couch wouldn't kill her... Maybe a little, nothing she couldn't handle. "Fine. Have it your way."

Holly started padding down the hall, and was at the bedroom door when she noticed the gentle foot falls behind her. The familiar, cat-like, steps she hadn't heard in seven months. The sound that promised safety, and warmth, her wife, in the middle of the night after a shift. The sound of early mornings and sleep soft hugs from behind.

"Did you forget something?" Holly murmured quietly.

"Yeah." Gail stopped just short of touching Holly, hovering close enough they could feel each other's body heat. "I forgot how much I hate sleeping on couches, even if it's comfier than the beds at the hospital, and that we're y'know.. So I was wondering if I could sleep in the bed with you?"

Holly flashed back to the first time Gail had asked if they could sleep in the same bed, back before they were together. The blonde had had a nightmare one night while staying at her place, one of Perick and that basement, and in a cold sweat she wondered into Holly's room. Her voice was so small, so scared and childlike, it broke Holly's heart.

She opened the door without a word, leaving it open for the cop, and went straight to her side of the bed. She hadn't slept on Gail's side, not on purpose. Sure she'd wake up in the middle of the night clutching to her wife's pillows and curling around them as if that would bring her back.

Gail hesitated in the door jamb, taking in the room she had yet to see, and quickly piecing together her little imprints on the space. What looked to be her half of the open, messy, closet, a police uniform hung neatly. The Star Wars blanket she got as a birthday present in college from her brother laid on the back of a chair, a batman lamp on what looked to be her side of the bed, her grandmother's dresser on the far wall. It was surreal to say the least. This was _her_ house, this is where she lived, with _her wife_ , and soon _her child_. This, coming home after a long day and eating dinner together while watching Netflix, then crawling into bed and whispering goodnight before drifting of to sleep with the sound of another breath, was her life. This was what her stupid brain decided was okay to lose.

"Are you coming to bed or are you going just stand there all night?" Holly brought her back to reality.

Gail smiled and walked into the threshold of their bedroom. It smelled like home, how she knew that she would never understand, but it did. She slipped under the sheets and settled into a comfortable position, one she could watch over Holly from, and sighed contently. The day had been long and eventful, and tomorrow would only be just as exhausting.

"Holly?" She whispered, unsure if the brunette was already asleep or not.

"Yes, Gail?" Holly's voice was heavy, sleep evidently taking over.

"Can I take you to your appointment?"

There was a long beat before the hushed reply came. "If you want to, but it's early."

Gail closed her eyes, ready for sleep to take hold of her, but she was all too aware of the woman facing her. All too aware of the tingling breath against her hand, of how badly she wanted to be closer, needed to be closer. So in an effort to quell the raging need she took a chance and reached into the dark. It only took a second of ghosting around before she found what she was looking for, and when she did she intertwined their fingers and brought their clasped hands to her chest.

"Goodnight Holly."

"Goodnight Gail." She could hear the smile on Holly's face, could almost make it out in the dim light of the moon.

Gail was pulled from one of the best sleeps she'd ever known, by a hushed curse, a whispered profanity of pain.

She opened her eyes slowly, ready for the harsh rays of morning light, and was surprised when they opened and the room was as dim as when she went to sleep. The room was not shrouded in the white light of morning, it was a warm ember, the daylight set in a pause. _Holly must have closed the curtains at some point,_ she thought.

Her eyes focused on Holly, slightly bent over at the end of the bed.

"The baby can hear you, you know."

Holly's head snapped up at the sudden sound of Gail's groggy filled voice, and they locked eyes. "I'm sorry I woke you, I was trying to be quiet but I stubbed my toe on the bed post. _God_ does it hurt."

Gail flung off the deliciously, sleep warm blanket and slid off the bed. "Sit and let me look at it."

Holly obeyed as Gail rounded the bed.

Gail gently held Holly's ankle as she examined her foot, nodding to herself like all good doctors do. Then she stood, a grim look on her face as she stared down at the brunette.

"We're gonna have to amputate." She stated seriously, her face stone.

Holly broke out into a bright smile as she laughed and got on her feet, inches away from Gail. "Thank you Doctor, but I think I'll live."

Gail held her hands up in surrender, an amused smirk now playing at her lips. She caught Holly's eyes flicking between her eyes and lips and the thought of it, of Holly leaning in and placing her lips on her own, brought a craving.

She swallowed it down, it wasn't fair to the brunette. Holly wanted her wife, she wanted the familiarity, knowing actions, not the woman she was looking at now. The Gail standing in front of her wasn't what she was craving, she was craving wife Gail. It wouldn't be fair to give into her own wanting. So she broke the moment by reminding them both that she wasn't wife Gail.

"Which side of the dresser is mine?" Gail asked, taking a step back and heading for the dresser.

Holly blinked. "Um. It's, the uh, the left side."

After that, they spent the morning in a harmony Gail didn't know could exist.

It started when she wondered into the kitchen, set out for caffeine she wasn't really expecting to find -you couldn't drink the stuff when pregnant right?- she was delightfully surprised when she found a cup freshly made sitting on the counter, and a bowl of her favourite cereal waiting for milk to be added. Then when she joined Holly on the couch, planning on catching up on all of the movies she's missed, and ended up mindlessly rubbing Holly's swollen feet. It was easy to be with Holly, she was comfortable and safe, they didn't need to talk.

And the days continued with the same easiness. Holly would do little things for her, make her coffee, put her towel in the dryer while she was in the shower so it was warm when she got out, get her water so she stayed hydrated, plugged her phone in at night, and many other small things. It made Gail feel more loved than any words ever could. And Gail would care for Holly. She would tell Holly to sit and let her do it as often as possible, whether it be cleaning or cooking, tying her shoes or reaching for the remote. She'd even gone on a few late night runs to the grocery store for pregnancy cravings.

Nights had gotten easier too, no longer uncertain and questioning like the first had been. Gail got into the habit of placing a hand over Holly's baby bump and saying goodnight, before intertwining her fingers with Holly's and wishing her sweet dreams.

They worked seamlessly together, balanced each other out.


	3. Chapter 3

Gail was woken by a kick in the middle of the night, not by Holly but by the baby. It was an odd sensation, like being poked really hard, but not, because it was a baby in utero.

Holly had snuggled into her side again, laying her head in the crook of Gail's neck and her baby bump half on Gail's stomach. Which happened every night. Gail secretly enjoyed it, found immense comfort in sharing body heat with the brunette, and it squeeze at her chest every morning Holly woke up and scurried away. She knew why Holly did it, she didn't want Gail to feel uncomfortable or weird or pressured. But it only _added_ to the weirdness.

Gail laid her free hand -the one not around her wife- on Holly's stomach and massaged it lightly, usually the baby would go back to sleep after a few minutes, but it seemed like more of a restless night. So Gail wiggled down the bed a bit, careful not to wake Holly, and settled near the baby.

"Kid, you need to sleep, your mom is really excited to see you tomorrow and it'd be nice if you were awake for that. And I'll be honest, I'm pretty excited too. I've never seen an ultra sound, or heard a babies heartbeat in the womb, and I've _definitely_ never heard _my_ child's..." Gail paused, trailing off.

Her child's.

Was the baby really hers anymore? Was she going to be a parent or was she just Gail, the woman who lives in the house and is technically married to their mom? Was she supposed to move out or anything? Gail didn't want to, she liked Holly a _lot_ , and sort of wanted to see if they could build themselves up to where they had been. But Holly didn't seem like she felt the same way. She unconsciously gravitated to Gail, but once she came to and realized how close she'd gotten she would almost flinch away. Gail tried not to let it get to her, Holly obviously cared for her, but it still hurt just that extra bit more each time.

Gail removed her hand from Holly's stomach, the baby had settled down, she needed to distance herself as her worries were beginning to overwhelm her. She rolled over and forced herself back to sleep.

Sunday morning came around quickly, and Gail's nerves had only grown by the time she woke up. Luckily Holly was no where to be seen, probably making them breakfast, so she had time to try and talk herself down as she showered and got dressed.

Gail was glad that they developed a routine in the days since she went home, it let her slip into autopilot while she freaked out, after her 'cooling down' session had ended up in the opposite direction than planned.

 _What was she during the doctors appointment?_

 _What was she when it came to the baby in general?_

 _What would happen when the baby arrived? It wasn't long now, Holly was past the halfway mark into seven months and time was flying by._

The drive to the appointment was quiet except for the low hum of the radio. Gail was drowning in all of the pending questions she had, all of the uncertainties of what her life was now. And Holly had sensed the blondes need to be left alone in her head, and let her.

Once in the office Gail let Holly lead, she wasn't sure how it all worked and she wasn't in a place to do anything but follow along.

Holly signed in at the front desk, receiving smiles and 'how are you's from all of the nurses working, before they noticed Gail lingering just behind her.

"This is Gail, she was discharged on Wednesday." Holly smiled, and grabbed Gail's hand, pulling her forward and into the conversation.

There was a round of hellos and it's nice to finally meet the wife Holly's been going on about, all too excited for Gail's taste. But she smiled politely and answered the few questions thrown her way. They did answer her first question after all, at the baby appointments she was wife Gail, co-parent, nothing weird or out of place about her.

Holly squeezed her hand, pulling Gail's attention to her, and smiled encouragingly, thankfully. It calmed her body, her mind, stopped her from being too overwhelmed.

"Alright girls, enough with the questions, we don't want her ears to fall off before the check up." Holly quieted the women down before taking Gail into the waiting room.

"I'm sorry about them. They're chatty on a bad day, but they were really excited to meet you so I guess their mouths ran double time." She chuckled. And when Gail didn't react she had to ask. "What's on your mind, Honey?"

Gail blinked, not meeting the beautiful brown eyes she could feel watching her. Should she tell her? _No that wasn't a good idea, not just before the check up and definitely not at the doctors office._ She sighed and leaned further into her chair.

"I'm just nervous." There, that's not lying, and it's a totally reasonable explanation for her behaviour.

Holly nodded and began to play with their still clasped hands. This was the first time Holly had initiated physical contact for no reason, had purposely touched her because she wanted to, and Gail only just noticed. The corners of her lips twisted up slightly, the excitement of having Holly hold her hand brought a warmth through her body that she couldn't resist no matter how badly she felt.

"Sydney, our doctor, is going to ask me a few questions first, how I'm feeling ect. Then she's going to measure my stomach and tell us little facts about how they're growing. After that comes the ultra sound, we get to see the baby and listen to their heart beat while she makes sure they're all healthy. Next is the time to ask any questions. And then we come back out and make the next appointment." Holly went through the steps, she knew how nervous Gail got when she was in the dark.

It helped. A little. The gentle, calm way Holly spoke to her brought down the building anxiety in her chest, and her playing with their hands was a nice distraction, the repetitive motions something she could get lost in. Gail took a deep breath and tried to clear her racing mind.

"Holly, room two."

Gail stood before the brunette, and used their clasped hands to pull Holly out of her seat. The brunette was at the stage in the pregnancy that she had difficulty getting up, Gail found it adorable and hilarious to watch. But Holly didn't make a move for the little hallway that the woman had gestured to, instead she stared at Gail, waiting.

She met Holly's gaze and tried smiling. "Common' it's time to check up on the baby, we don't want to keep them waiting do we?"

"No, we don't."

It happened just as Holly had told her. Doctor Hunt did everything step by step, the only hitch was the few questions she had for Gail, how're you feeling, what do you think it is, that sort of thing. And while she was excited to be included in these things, to be able to see and hear the baby, it was all clouded by her continued racing thoughts and worries about where she stood in everything. Her name and face fit but _she_ didn't.

Gail's day got better, if better meant having to drop off Holly at the morgue for half the day and while there her intern forgot of Gail's amnesia and went of on an excited banter about how Gail would get to be there for the birth and everything, lucky her. And if that wasn't enough she stopped by 15 Division to talk to Oliver about getting back to work. The Staff Sargent told her not to until she was well settled into being back at home, he didn't need to know about her life crisis, same as Holly or anyone else for that matter. They were her problems, fears and anxieties, everyone seemed to be handling her return just fine and there was no need to ruin it.

But of course, Ollie didn't fall for it, she'd forgotten how well her old T.O. could read her.

"Why does your face look like someone's dropped a box of your favourite doughnuts?" Oliver asked as he neatly put the now filed paperwork for Gail's return to the streets in his desk.

Gail glared at the balding man, she hated being called out. "My face always looks like this."

Ollie shook his head. "No, it doesn't. Only on bad days, days you've fought with Holly, days your rook is being extra mindless, dropped pastries, night shifts. Somethings up."

"I'm just learning my place in my life, I'm fine." Gail shifted uncomfortably, looking at anything but Oliver.

Her fellow food enthusiast was silent, making her flick her gaze up to see what he was doing, and found him staring at her patiently. Waiting. Gail knew what he was doing, knew the tactic, but that didn't stop it from working. Oliver's gaze was burning holes into her amour and she had no chance of keeping it together. It was Ollie she was talking to after all.

Gail let out a long breath, blowing out the last bit of will power she had.

"I'm freaking out a little. There's four years that I have no idea about, _four years_ , Ollie. I cut my hair shorter than I've ever dared to, I got married to a woman, I became a T.O., I decided that I was ready for a baby, I eat vegetables with every meal, I drink vomit smoothies, and I must have gotten into some sort of massive family feud. Because I know that my parents are careless, selfish people, but I expected at least one visit from Elaine about carelessness or about getting back to work asap, or some sort of recognition for what's happened to bump up my career. And Steve, I haven't heard from him either, and when I pointed it out the room grew tense, I thought it was for Traci's sake, but it's not. Ollie, it's not." Gail was in tears by the end.

"No one's told you?"

Gail shook her head. "I think everyone thought it'd be best from Holly, but the look on her face when he's mentioned is pained. I can't do that to her."

Oliver cleared his throat. He knew what Gail was asking of him, so he took a moment to think of the right way to tell her.

"Your parents haven't been by because they disowned you when you didn't lie for Steve at his trial. Steve was... He was a dirty cop, Gail." Oliver's voice was as small as she could remember ever hearing it, it was grievance and sorrow put as softly as possible.

Gail's eyes began to sting and everything became blurry, her world crashed around her. Breathing was more like clawed gasps for air. Her chest ached. She covered her mouth in an attempt to smother the sobs she knew were bouncing off the walls.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Darlin'." Oliver's voice sounded in her ear and suddenly she was being held, enveloped in an embrace she desperately needed.

But it wasn't helping. Not like it used to. There was no comfort, no easing of her chest, no nothing. It was empty.

Gail stood abruptly, shrugging off the hug. "I have to go, sorry, I just-I need to be alone."

"You can't drive like this, Gail. Please let someone escort you home." Oliver stopped her at his office door. "Me, Diaz, Traci, anyone."

"I need to be alone. Have someone tail me, whatever makes you feel better, I don't care." And with that Gail opened the door and made her way to her car.

She rubbed her eyes clean of hot wet tears and blinked a few times to clear her vision, she could do this, she could hold it all in until she got to the house that claimed to be her home.

"Pull your shit together, Gail, and stop being such a baby." She berated herself and pulled out of the parking lot.

Gail didn't remember the fifteen minute drive from the station to the house, she barely remembered leaving. One minute she was joking around with Oliver in his office, about the fact that he had an office and a crisp white shirt, and the next minute she was piling photo album after photo album with shaky hands back in Holly's living room.

She didn't know what was happening, her every movement not registering until after the act, her emotions at an all time high and in a cluster fuck that couldn't be solved.

Gail curled into herself, bringing her knees up to her chin and hugging her legs, she picked up the first album. Running her fingers over the white cover her heart clenched, and she opened it with a held breath.

Her wedding day.

Supposedly the happiest day of ones life, and from the awe struck daze in her eyes and easy, loving smile, Gail could believe it.

It'd been a long day and her feet were killing her, they were swollen to twice their size, and her back was hissing with every moment. All Holly wanted to do was take a hot soothing bath, eat dinner, and cuddle into bed with Gail.

She knew that wasn't what was going to happen though, Oliver had called her not long after Gail had left the station, said he had told Gail about Steve and the rest of her family. She knew about the betrayal and had to go through the heartbreak of her brother's choices again. Holly remembered the first time, she remembered the nights filled with tears, she remembered all of the doubts and plummet of confidence, she remembered her world crashing around her when _she called_ her parents only to be told by the maid to never call again. God, did Holly remember.

So she knew that she wouldn't be sleeping, not when Gail was suffering. And Holly had noticed that Gail didn't share with her, she'd forgotten how tightly knit the cop was, Gail didn't want to worry Holly and it only served to do the opposite. It stressed her out, all she wanted was for Gail to be comfortable and happy and healthy, and she of course wanted that to be with her but she wouldn't stop the blonde from leaving. If Gail wasn't happy in the life they had built, the life she couldn't remember fighting with and for, then Holly could understand.

Once her shoes were kicked off and put in the shoe rack, Holly set out to find her wife, her gut filling with acid at the thought of what condition she'd find the blonde in.

Gail wasn't in the kitchen. All alcohol was still in place, so that was a good sign.

She wasn't in the down stairs bath room. No hair removal, also a good sign.

She wasn't in the living room either. But the cabinet beside the TV was open, photo albums stacked in two piles, one left open on its own. Not a good sign.

Holly waddled up the stairs to their room as fast as she could, taking note of all open and closed doors on her way, listening intently for any clues as to what she'd find. There was nothing. Everything was in the place they'd left it that morning, all but the albums in the living room.

Their bedroom door was open, Holly had to stop and remind herself of the Gail that was in there. She was the jumpy-cat Gail, the one who climbed trees and jumped out with a crash, she was the one who got drunk and cut all her hair off, the one who acted on frightened instincts before contemplating their effect. She was the fragile hearted woman Holly met all those years ago, and she couldn't go in there with her regular tactics for approaching her wife.

She took a breath and stepped into the room. "Hey."

Gail didn't respond, instead she stayed where she laid curled into herself on the bed.

Holly slowly shuffled over, stopping just shy of the bed, unsure of whether or not it would be okay to be close. The Gail she married would want her to lie next to her, to be close but not hold her, she needed space to breathe and not feel captured. The Gail she first met was a different story. Holly could never quite tell what to do, how to help, every time was different yet the same and it used to frustrate her.

"Gail, sweetie?" Even though her voice was hushed, it still felt like she was shattering the silence with a bullhorn. Holly timidly put a hand on Gail's shoulder.

"Why do I have to be such a _Peck_?" Gail asked dejectedly, her voice grave. Holly's chest clenched. Gail was bad, as bad as she feared she would be. "Life was just going too well, wasn't it? I had the house, and the wife, and the baby on the way, I had it all. I mean look."

Gail put a single picture onto her hip, still not making any moves to look at Holly.

Holly hesitated, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Gail didn't seem phased about Steve, she wasn't upset for the reasons Holly had prepared to aid in, this was a complete 180 on her.

The photo was of the two of them. It was taken at the Penny when Holly moved back from San Francisco, one of the many nights of drinks with the gang, playing trivia. Gail was sitting in Holly's lap with a huge grin on her face, she could have been laughing, Holly had her arms wrapped around her, and placing a kiss just under Gail's ear. Holly smiled at the picture, they did kind of have it all.

"I can't fix it. I tried, Holly, I tried to fix it. I looked through all of the albums, I studied every picture, and I couldn't remember any of it. Not _one_ thing." Gail was working herself up, Holly could hear the tears raising in her voice. They were in a sorrowful, angry heat. "I fucked up everything just like I always do."

"No, honey, you didn't. It's not your fault-" Holly tried to soothe, and got cut off by the blonde rolling over aggressively.

"No. Holly, how can it not be my fault? How is it okay that I can't remember you? I don't know who _you_ are! I don't know who _I_ am! I don't know _anything_."

Holly finally sat on the bed. She pushed under Gail's chin until their eyes met, her finger tips tingling at the touch she's craved for so long. Holly's own tears threatened to make an appearance, she couldn't stand Gail feeling so guilty, and angry, so filled with remorse.

"But you _do_ know, honey. You know when I'm pushing myself too hard, you know when I'm lying, you know when I've forgotten something and where I left it, you know when I need something and I'm not asking, you know when I need to laugh, you know to switch the channel when that swifer commercial comes on, you know-"

"Those are trivial things I've picked up on, anyone can do that." Gail interrupted again.

"Not like you can." Holly shook her head, tracing her thumb over Gail's cheek to wipe away a stray tear. "No one knows me like you do, even now. I did marry you for more than your dashing good looks y'know." She smiled gently, hoping beyond hope that Gail would give her one back.

"Oh really?" Gail's voice was void of all earlier pain, and more like herself.

"Yeah." Holly's smile grew, the blue eyes she was getting lost in were beginning to shimmer in a familiar way that had her heart beating a little faster.

Before she knew what she was doing, her lips were on Gail's, capturing her top lip between her own. They were just as she'd remembered, soft and plump, just a little chapped by the weather, and it sent a blazing joy through her entire body. It'd been _so_ long since she last had the taste of home on her lips. And to her surprise and delight, Gail didn't pull away. Instead the blonde deepened it, curious and exploring, as a hand snaked into the dark waves of Holly's hair.

Holly was the one to break the kiss, the baby had done something akin to a somersault and kicked Gail, which made them smile.

"I'm sorry." Holly managed in between breaths.

Gail looked down at her hands, playing nervously with the sheets. "It's okay. I um, I liked it."

Holly felt breathless for a whole new reason, her chest had constricted with the overwhelming feeling of joy. Gail liked it, she wasn't mad or weirded out, Holly felt like a teen again with all of the excitement of the moment. "I liked it too."


	4. Chapter 4

After Gail's melt down the two talked. Really talked. They laid out all of their questions and concerns, fears and hopes, and came to an understanding. Gail still wasn't one hundred percent sure about the baby, or how she would do, but she was going to try and put her faith into Holly. She'd said Gail was just as much a parent as she was, and she was that unless she didn't want to be.

She had options.

She could stay and cram every piece of knowledge she could about being a mom, and in the next three weeks be one. Her and Holly could figure out what they were to each other along the way. Or she could choose to move out, not be a mom, and try to be friends with Holly. Because Holly couldn't have her living there, in their home, if she didn't want their life. She couldn't bare to see her everyday, helping with the baby but not being apart of them, eating dinner together but it never being quite right because Gail wouldn't really be home. She wouldn't be Holly's, she wouldn't be mom, she would be a friend. And Holly wasn't even sure she could live with that, but she didn't even want to entertain the idea of a life where Gail wasn't apart of it, not after San Francisco.

So Gail had a lot to consider. A life to choose. And it had to made in the next three weeks, which was when Holly was due.

She'd woken up Gail Peck, 27 and recently dumped with a knife in her back, proving yet again that she would never be happy. Never be enough. She laid in the bed and instantly dreaded having her mother come and yell at her about all of her mistakes, she wasn't even thinking about how she got there or what had happened, she only worried that she would have no escape from her impending disappointment speech. And then she opened her eyes and didn't find her brother, or someone from the station, or one of her so called friends. No, she had a gorgeous brunette wearing nerdy glasses, and told her of a life that she had secretly always wanted. And that life was apparently the one she made for herself.

Everything she'd known had been flipped on its head. And she had to choose whether she could handle everything that went with it.

Gail wanted to. She really really did, more than she ever wanted anything. Holly made her feel safe, at peace, she didn't find herself hiding when around the comfort of the brunette. And she didn't want to lose that. She actually wanted to keep all of those feelings forever. And it wasn't just the feelings Holly elicited she wanted forever, it was also Holly's smile, the shy one where half of her mouth pulled up farther than the other in an attempt to not show how happy she really was. It was the laugh that bent her over, it was the random facts about nothing, it was taking her glasses off her face when she fell asleep with them on, it was her hugs, it was the tears that streamed down her face when the swiffer commercial played before they could change the channel, it was her caring heart and quick wit. It was her. Gail wanted her, as much as she could get for as long as she'd be blessed with it.

But there was pressure and responsibility, promises she had to keep no matter what, not running being the biggest problem of all. Gail could deal with the pressure and responsibility, she'd become a pro at it when needed, and she knew she couldn't not fulfill a promise to Holly -she'd do anything for the doctor. It was not running away that held her back.

How could she promise that? Gail Peck was known for running, for making a mess and using it as an excuse to leave. It was her trade mark, what made her a Peck. Steve did it, he did the biggest self sabotage anyone could, and he was the strongest person Gail knew. And he couldn't stop himself, so what could make her believe she do any better?

"Sweetie, Traci and Leo just pulled in." Holly poked her head into their bed room.

"K. I'll be out in a sec." Gail replied from the en suite. She put the finishing touches on her too casual outfit and gave one last deep breath before heading down to their guests. She was nervous, even after talking with Traci a bunch since she got out of the hospital, it was still nerve wracking to be having her over for dinner. And Leo, she hadn't seen the kid in four years, and in the pictures Traci had shown her Leo wasn't much of a child anymore.

"Where's the missus?" Traci asked with a smile in her voice.

"Right here." Gail said, rounding the corner before Holly could even open her mouth. There in the doorway stood Traci taking off her coat, Holly holding a bottle of wine, and Leo bent over unlacing his shoes. Her chest heaved for a second, Leo was so big compared to what she remembered.

"You clean up well, Gail." The detective smiled.

"You don't do too bad yourself." Gail repaid the compliment, happy to let Traci slip by her after a quick hug. "Hey, buddy."

Leo straightened out, tossing his shoes to the side and meeting her gaze. "Hey, Gail. How're you feeling?" His smile was the same as it always had been, big and toothy, very much like his mothers. But his voice was different, Traci had told her about how big of an affect puberty was having on the boy she once knew.

"I'm doing good, a little sore and still trying to get on grip on reality, but good. How about you?" Gail grinned.

"Happy you're back from your UC." Leo hugged her, and for the first time she didn't need to bend down for it, the curly haired boy was just tall enough for her. Gail hugged him back and held on tight.

"I'm not all back y'know. You being this tall, and your voice changing is very weird." She chuckled into his shoulder.

Leo pulled back enough to look her in the eye. "You don't have to remember the past four years for me to still be happy you're here. You are my favourite Aunt for more than just that y'know."

"When did you get so unabashedly sweet?" She breathed and took a step back with one last squeeze.

"I learned from someone very special that it was okay." Leo shrugged. "But that's talk for another time, I heard Holly made my favourite."

Dinner hadn't been as awkward as Gail had feared. After that moment with Leo her memory loss hadn't been brought up, no one hesitated when calling Gail Holly's wife or the baby's mom, it wasn't even hard or unpleasant to talk about the baby. In fact they talked about the baby for at least ten minutes, imagining what they looked like, what they'd be like, whether they were a girl or boy and when they'd be born. They had a normal dinner together to catch up and hang out.

"Can I ask how you're really doing or is that too much?" Traci looked to the blonde beside her. They were out on the porch, each with a glass of the wine Traci had brought.

"Overwhelmed but in an okay way?" Her brows brought together in thought. "I'm happy, happier then I ever thought possible, more then I thought I would ever get. Ever deserve. I definitely know why I married Holly. But-" Gail trailed off with a loss for words. They were caught in her chest, she'd never been one for laying out her feelings, at least not before Holly. But she was trying.

"You're afraid of your track record?" The detective supplied.

Gail took a sip of her wine and looked out at the night sky. "Yeah. I don't know if I can keep myself from running, or screwing everything up. I'm not the person you all know, in my head I'm still 27 and a fuck up. I'm not 31 year old wife, mother, T.O. extraordinaire."

There was a long lull as they sip their wine and watched what little stars shone in the city sky. They could just hear Leo and Holly laughing as they prepared desert, a beautiful song to Gail's ears.

"I have to chose whether I'm in this or not before the baby gets here. I don't know what to do." She said just above a whisper.

"No expectations, no rules and worries, which do you want?" Traci didn't look at her friend.

"I want to stay."

"Then that's what you do. It's not as hard as you're making it be, Gail, you've done it. Sure you were in a different place when you made the decision the first time, but the outcome won't change because of it. You love her and she loves you, so you'll fight for it. You will mess up and you will have nights you don't sleep in the same bed, but you will look in her eyes and choose to stay. Besides, how much more overwhelming can life get from this moment?"

"It is pretty hard to top." Gail chuckled without humour.

"And where are you?"

Gail smiled then. "Here."

"Exactly my point." She tipped her glass toward the blonde and waited for her to take notice. When Gail looked at her she smiled gently, comfortingly. "You got this."

"Holly?"

The brunette hummed in reply, not taking her eyes off her book.

"Would it be okay if I touched your stomach?" She asked quietly. She'd been wanting to trace her fingers across it since Holly had laid her head in her lap, but was too nervous to do it without permission and too shy to ask for the past half hour.

"You can touch my stomach whenever you want to. And if you wanted to talk to it I wouldn't tell anyone." Holly stayed with her nose in her book but Gail could tell she wasn't reading.

She nodded to herself, almost in encouragement. It would be the first time she purposely touched Holly's tummy while they were awake. Gail slowly reached out a hand and gently pressed it against Holly protruding baby bump. It was just as it always was, firm but still squishy, and she could just make out the undeniable feel of the baby. A knee she thought.

Moments passed and Gail grew calmer about her hand on Holly's tummy, and she began to caress it, running her hand up and down. She wondered what it looked like, what it would feel like bare, but there was no way she could ask Holly. That would be out of line with where they stood with one another.

"Say I wanted to talk to the baby." Gail begun and waited for the warm eyes to meet hers before continuing. "How would I go about doing that?"

"It doesn't really matter what you say, I usually just talk nonsense to them. You can talk about your day, tell them about all that they'll see when they get out, stories are a popular thing. There some books for them in the nursery if you want to get one and read it." Holly suggested.

"But if I get up that means you do too."

Holly gave a crooked smirk. "How about we go to bed. It'd be more comfortable for you to talk to them. You could lay next to them and your voice will be louder that way. Though they already know your voice, so I don't think volume matters."

Gail's brows furrowed.

"They calm down when they hear you. Well most of the time they do, sometimes, like when you first get home or when we've been apart for a few hours, they do summersaults and dance around. It's rather adorable."

"Really?" Gail's voice almost came out in a choke. She didn't notice the tears until Holly reached up and wiped them away, a warm grin playing in her eyes.

"Well yeah, you're kind of our favourite person."

Gail didn't think twice about it, acting purely on emotion, she leaned down and kissed Holly. It was needy and comforting, and it tasted of chamomile tea. Gail didn't want it to stop. But she had to, her position did not give her a lot of time before back ached and her ribs screamed for room to breathe.

"Any book you'd like to hear?" Gail asked surprisingly casual in spite of what she felt. She wiggled her way out from under Holly's head and offered her wife a hand up.

The brunette seemed dazed but she took the proffered hand. She cleared her throat, "how about some Dr. Seuss?"

Later that night, when Holly was fast asleep and Gail was again woken by a kick from the baby, she made the promise to stay and fight. She chose them and their life.

Gail placed her hand on the side of Holly's stomach and wiggled in toward them, she molded herself around them and took a deep breath. She marveled in the feeling of Holly's hair against her nose, of the baby's movements slowly stopping as they fell back asleep, of how well they fit together. She let out the breath in contentment.

She could do it. She would stay.


	5. Chapter 5

"Gail, wanna talk about what's been on your mind lately?" Holly soothingly asked as she ran her fingers through the blondes hair.

It'd been a week since they laid everything out and Holly gave Gail the choice to stay or leave. She still had yet to get an answer but Gail had changed, she'd seemed more at ease, and had gotten more affectionate. Gail had begun to shyly kiss her cheek randomly, play with her hair when she laid in her lap, and she'd caught the blonde more times than once checking her out. It was really nice to have those small things again, whether or not Gail did it with years of familiarity or brand new curiosity, it was her Gail none the less. Nine months was far too long to not have her wife's touch, her wanting, loving blue gaze on her, so Holly wasn't going to complain. Instead she was going to bask in it. She was going to soak in every moment while she had it, for she didn't know if it was going to be taken away from her again.

"Nothing. Why do you ask?" Gail wondered around the string in her mouth.

"You're eating your hoodie string, and you've been sleeping with the blanket in your mouth. Which means you're upset." She continued to play with the dark blonde strands of her wife's hair, trying to pry as little as possible. She didn't want to set Gail off, make her run and hide like she used to do. "Is. Is it about last week?"

True Holly understood that she couldn't expect Gail to stay because of some ring around her neck, some words she didn't remember saying, but it hurt to give her that option. To open the door and tell her wife that if she didn't chose her than she'd have to leave. It killed her. Especially that Gail seemed to be standing in the doorway, watching in the house and playing along, almost like she was getting a taste of their life before she ultimately took that step out the door and out of their cozy home.

Gail immediately shook her head in protest. "No."

"Then what is it? Maybe I can help."

"Really it's nothing, Hol. I've just been a little stressed. Getting back to work has been weird, and everyone is trying to act cool, to not bring up the things I don't know but that only makes it worse. Plus they all want to throw a party for me getting back, have they still not met me or did I really change that much?" Gail looked expectantly at the brunette.

She knew Gail was lying, or at least not telling her the whole truth, she could see it in the way Gail finalized it as she answered and then changed the subject to try and divert her attention. Though frustrated, Holly smiled fondly down at her, and let her change the subject. They were lounging in their bed, it was better for Holly's swollen feet and the bathroom was right there unlike if they hung out in the livingroom, Holly leaned on the headrest propped up with pillows and Gail was practically laying in her lap -her thighs sat in Holly's crossed legs, her ass pressed to Holly's thigh. Gail had been watching a movie but muted it after fifteen minutes and asked Holly to read the baby book she was reading.

"No, that never changed."

Gail nodded thoughtfully.

"But we did end up at a lot none the less. Weddings, birthdays, cases, and other celebrations of the sorts, so I think they have just gotten used to the fact that we go anyway." Holly explained, trying to help in anyway she could. "But we usually ended up in a coat closet or some odd quiet place, just the two of us."

"Coat closet?" Gail pulled a face making Holly laugh.

"Inside joke. We were just starting to be friends, in that awkward stage of learning each other and how we fit -thought it was never that hard with us. natural really-, and you needed a plus one to Frank and Noelle's wedding. I of course didn't hesitate in saying yes, even if I hate weddings too. It was good with you, fun actually. We danced and mingled only when necessary, after like an hour of that I snagged a bottle of champagne and we hid out in the coat closet." She retold the story with fondness, grinning at the memory, and turned to her wife. "You started asking curious-straight-girl questions, it was so adorable I kissed you. Then ran away because I did the one thing I said I wouldn't."

"And what was that?" The innocent questioned was mumbled as Gail still had the string in her mouth.

"That I wouldn't kiss another straight girl. I wouldn't let myself get out of control with you because I really liked you and didn't want to scare you away." She answered amusingly. She didn't do a great job with either of those things.

Gail laughed. "Well you didn't do such a hot job about that now did you, Holly?" She teased.

"No."

"What the hell is this and why do you think it's needed?"

Holly laughed when she saw what Gail was turning over in bewilderment. "It's for boogers. It'll help when they have a runny nose, so we-I won't have to use one of those," she squeezed her hand in the motion it would be used, "thingys."

"We need a snot sucker? Put that on the ever long list of things I didn't know about babies." She huffed and threw the snot machine back into the cart.

Holly hadn't shopped much for the baby, even when going through her nesting phase, she just couldn't bring herself to do it without Gail. The blonde had huffed about it but she knew her wife really wanted to pick out all of the things for their child, to find the coolest colours and patterns, to convince Holly of things they didn't really need but 'how cool/cute would it be'. So Holly put it off until Gail was home from her UC, and when it ran a little later than planned and her due date was growing closer and closer she had given in and gotten a few things, but nothing major. She'd gotten some books to read to them in the womb, an outfit or two, a rocking chair, a stuffed animal, general supplies such as diapers, and a few art pieces.

So they took Gail's day off to do all of the shopping, and made plans for Dov, Chris, and Chloe to spend the day painting the nursery. A gentle sea green they decided on over dinner one night.

"Alright, what next?"

Holly pulled out her list and skimmed it over. "Bottles, things for cleaning them, and bibs."

Just down the aisle Gail pulled off a couple packs of bottles and went to throw them in with the rest of the stuff but the brunette stopped her mid toss.

"You can't just get any old bottle, there's a lot to go into the decision." Holly explained. And when getting nothing but a raised eyebrow and confused stare she elaborated. "For example, the nipple, there's different shapes and sizes."

"I've seen my share of nipples, Hol, I know they aren't all the same. But do you think this is a conversation to have in the middle of a baby store?" Gail held back a smirk.

Holly rolled her eyes and turned away before she could be caught smiling. "I don't agree, I think it's one of the normalist places to talk about nipples. Expectant parents, breastfeeding, the free the nipple movement and all that jazz."

"I'll give you that point."

They went on to read all of the bottle packs after Holly told her the list of things they were looking for in a bottle, which Gail rolled her eyes about but didn't need to be told twice afterwards, and settled on two different kinds. And while Holly picked out the cleaning supplies -boring- Gail wandered off to the bibs.

Most of them sucked, too cheesy or just gross. But she did find herself with stacks of bibs in her lap, laughing at a stupid joke.

"First?" An unfamiliar voice asked.

Gail's head whipped up, she hadn't heard anyone approach. "Um. Uh. Y-yeah." She stuttered and climbed to her feet, making the dozens of bibs fall to the floor.

"Are you just really prompt or are you one of the lucky ones that hardly show?" The short haired woman asked.

"Neither. I'm actually late for getting all the stuff and I really hope I'm not showing, one baby is more than enough." Gail nervously chuckled. For unknown reasons the conversation felt wrong, she wasn't sure how to answer, which words were okay to say when her and Holly weren't on the same page.

"Oh?" The woman prompted.

"My um, my wife is the one who's pregnant." She explained.

A wide smile spread across the woman's face. "I see. Are you excited or just terrified?"

Gail couldn't help but grin. She'd said the words aloud, Holly was her wife and they were having a baby, and this stranger was the first to hear it. It made it all real, made everything click into place. "Yeah."

"I was too. Well still am," She laughed at Gail's reply, "not to try and freak you out, but the second doesn't get any less scary. Especially when you decide to be the one to carry instead of your wife, I'll tell you it's a whole different experience on this end." She caressed her stomach lovingly, Gail hadn't even noticed the small bump until then.

"It doesn't?" Was all she could muster to say.

"Nope. Because it's two you have to learn to deal with. Sure you've got the newborn stuff down, but it's not like the first time at all because it's a newborn _and_ a toddler together."

"That is even more terrifying." Gail whispered, caught up in thinking about what that would be like, whether or not her and Holly would one day be in the same situation.

"Yeah, but I can't wait for it. Just wait until you see your baby for the first time, hold them, see your wife with them. It's worth all of the worry and pain ten times over."

"Gail, I'm starving and I have to pee again, can we-" Holly said rounding the corner, stopping mid sentence when she met the stranger's eyes. Her cheeks grew the most adorable pink Gail had ever seen.

"Of course, we can pay for what we have and come back." Gail smiled reassuringly at the doctor.

"Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you were late to shopping." The stranger chuckled and looked from Holly's baby bump to Gail.

Gail cracked a smile. "Kinda my fault. Holly this is..."

"Kim." The woman offered.

"Kim, this is my very pregnant wife, Holly."

"It's nice to meet you, Holly." Kim held out a hand and Holly took it. "I don't want to keep your bladder waiting, so I'll give you guys this," she pulled a card out of her purse and handed it to Gail, "and if you ever wanna talk or hang out don't hesitate to call."

Gail took the card and pocketed it. "Thanks, I'll definitely use it."

She waited until Kim left before taking the over loading cart from the brunette and started toward the cash registers. They made it two aisles before Holly said something.

"Who was that and what was it all about?"

"Kim, and we were just talking babies. She's got a toddler and another on the way. I think she'd be very beneficial to us both." Gail replied casually, skating along with the cart.

"How so?"

"Well it's her first time being pregnant, that's for you. Had her wife through pregnancy, me. And has a toddler, so there's plenty she knows way before we get to those stages, that's plenty useful all on it's own. And to top it off she seems cool." Gail finished as they got to the front of the line. "Now go pee while I pay for this stuff and put it in the car, I'll meet you across the street at that restaurant you eyed on the way in."

Holly didn't have to be told twice, her bladder felt like it was about to burst and the baby wasn't relenting in pushing against it. So with a quick kiss to Gail's cheek she was off to the restrooms.

She was bubbling with joy, her cheeks hurt from smiling, and people were staring but she didn't care. Gail introduced her as her wife, had proudly stated they were having a baby even though it was blatantly obvious. Holly hadn't been that happy, giddy, over such words since they had first gotten married. After she finished and washed her hands, Holly took her phone out of her pocket and sent out a text to Traci.


	6. Chapter 6

Gail grabbed the smoothies from the cup holder and closed the car door, taking a glance at the car-seat that had been locked in its place in the back seat for almost a week. The sight made her more and more excited everyday, as she chose not to let herself get too scared, because it was a reminder of just how real she was about to be a mother. It was a sign of her new life, a better life, one where she could be learn to be happy and do good without a second glance.

It was better she thought. Better because she didn't have to go through the hard aches of everyone's jokes, all eyes on her for being human, wouldn't have to go through her actual face, heart, being looked at twice. So in a way waking up to this life was a gift, was the only way she could think that any of it could really happen. It was all too good to have been built by her hands.

Gail walked into the house with a big smile on her face, "I got us smoothies on the way home, I think I got yours right this time."

They were the same ones Holly had brought Gail at the hospital, the ones from her, now proven, favourite restaurant. Gail had taken her there for a date of sorts. Well she wanted it to be date, and thought that her telling Holly to dress up would be enough for the brunette to get the memo, but she was still wasn't certain if had been one or not. It didn't matter though, she'd gotten to take Holly out and made her feel special, plus she got a kiss at the end. So really that night had been a win. Every night with Holly was a win.

"Doctor Stewart." She called out again after no reply. Gail set the drinks on the little table by the door, where she also set her keys, and began to untie her boots. The was still no noise once she finished with her boots and coat, and if she was being honest she was a little nervous.

Gail traipsed into the kitchen first, Holly would normally already be working on a dinner she'd try to finish for the brunette -rest was very important and Gail was a stickler about it-, but there was not a pot out of place. "Hol?" She checked the living room next.

Gail stopped in her tracks.

There on the lounge chair was Holly, feet up and back down as far as it'd allow, a book laid on her swollen stomach. Her heart jumped with adoration. Holly had fallen asleep, glasses askew and hair a mess, she was beautiful. And as Gail looked on, watched as her chest slowly raised and fell, up and down, she noticed something that made her giggle. Holly still had her boots on.

She quietly and gently took the book and placed it on the end table, then with the same touch she took off the boots she'd done up that morning. Apparently neither thought of getting them off when Holly got home without Gail. That was a recent development, the shoes, Holly had to switch from the ones she had been wearing to boot because it was getting cold and her maternity shoes weren't cutting it anymore. Gail carefully laid a blanket over the sleeping woman and then set out to make dinner.

Or maybe she'd order in, Gail wasn't the best cook, hadn't had much practice. And waking Holly with crap food or per fire alarm didn't seem very appealing.

While she waited for the food, and didn't have Holly to worry about, she found herself in the nursery. It wasn't often Gail had alone time, she was always at work or with her wife, so when she did she liked keep busy. Keeping busy was how she dealt, how she kept from doing stupid things like running away. And in doing so she found that it actually helped her think, to keep her head on straight.

There were few things left to do, once the paint had dried and aired out quite a few people came by to help build and set up. Gail gazed at each piece of the room. The changing table Chris had done, the dresser Dov and Traci did, the shelf and rocking chair Oliver did, the decorating her wife and Chloe worked on. She looked at the love that had gone into the making of her child's room, she could feel it in every colour, every function, every nail and screw. But there was one important piece, one part missing, something she didn't let anyone touch. There was a big space, empty, where it would sit.

Gail ran her hand over the box and set the toolbox down with a heavy sigh and hard eyes. The crib. It wasn't something she had ever saw herself needing to do, to buy, she'd been told all her life that it'd be taken care of. She'd been joked to about how hard it would be to find furniture that would match the crib her father had built, it was old, used for generations. Gail's father prided himself on the old wooden thing, refurbished it three times already and planned to do so again for his grandchildren. Or so he used to.

She closed the door to the baby's room and turned on the speakers atop the unused dresser, with a long pull from her beer she began her work.

 _"What are you working on?" Gail peaked around the corner of her fathers shed._

 _Bill stopped what he was doing to look at the little girl, a smile slowly growing on his face. He blew the dust off a piece of wood in his hands and showed it to his daughter. "See this?"_

 _Gail nodded._

 _"This is the crib you slept in as a baby, the same one Steve did, and me before that." Gail's eyes grew wide in bewilderment, surely her father couldn't have ever fit in something so tiny. "One day it's going to be yours, when you have a little one of your own."_

Gail probably used more force than necessary when hammering, more strength than needed, but she didn't care as long as it didn't break. Even if it did she couldn't find it in her to care. She'd let herself have one thing, one hope her parents gave her, she let them give her a dream and for that she hated herself. And them.

 _"What if Steve has a baby first, would he get it?" Gail questioned._

 _"Of course, every Peck you know have slept in it." Bill answered and continued to drive._

 _Gail pulled a face. That was weird,_ every _Peck? That was a lot of people, it was a wonder it didn't break, maybe that was why her dad did all of the work he did to it._

 _"But what if I then had a baby, is mine supposed to sleep on the floor or something?" There was a bite to it, she didn't find it fair, her brother got everything and she got scraps._

 _Bill chuckled and shook his head, in amusement or in answer Gail couldn't tell. All she knew was that Steve was sticking his tongue at her and she was ready to pull it out of his face._

 _"No, Gail. We would figure it out, no grandchild of mine is sleeping on the floor, besides the crib is not meant for a baby older than a year. Only the best will do for the Pecks, your mother and I will make sure of that."_

"Best my ass." Gail growled, venom dripped from each word. She meant to get her mind off of things, numbly think for awhile, finish her child's room. But no, her parents, her father and that damn promise crept into her thoughts and piss her off.

She wiped the sweat from her brow and finished off her third beer.

 _"Guess what I found in the attic while grabbing the Christmas decorations." Bill filled the tense silence around the dinning table._

 _"What's that?" Steve played along, knowing full well if he let his sister that it would just lead to more venom than another dinner needed._

 _"The crib, pour thing is getting dusty up there, I might have to take it down come spring and repaint it." He announced with a pointed look to his children. Gail rolled her eyes with the anticipation of where the conversation was headed._

 _"It really should be pulled down for more than a repaint, it should be put into good use. You both are more than old enough, getting a little up there don't you think?" Elaine added before glancing directly at Gail and taking a sip of her wine._

 _Gail set her own glass down and held Elaine's eyes. "Great idea mother, I heard Steve is thinking about getting a dog."_

The music quieted for a moment, signalling a text, but she couldn't be bothered. Whoever it was could wait. Instead Gail threw cusses at the loose screws and wood that was slowly, angrily becoming a crib. It was half done and she was nowhere near finished hitting it.

"One thing. I let you promise me one thing." Gail growled. "I should have known it'd never have been mine, nothing ever is, everything and everyone leaves. Always." She stopped to take a swig of the dark liquid. She'd switched from beer to bourbon at some point, needing something harder to help the racing memories, the high emotions. She had to keep it together, for Holly.

"Can't count on anyone." Gail slammed the bottle back on the floor, shaking her head to emphasize the notion. "Nope. Jen left, Nick left, mom and dad, even Steve." She choked the last one, not even noticing the tears. "Steve."

"Sweetie." A soft, sweet, voice called from the door behind her. It could only be one person, one amazing, smart, weird, funny, undeniably beautiful person. Her wife.

Gail wiped her nose with the back of her hand and blinked away the tears. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't, our food did." She could hear Holly approaching, closer and closer to the mess, her mess.

"I'm sorry, I must have missed the text. Why don't you go grab a plate and I'll be down in a minute."

Holly's hand was in her hair a second later, pulling her from her haze and guiding her back to the light, Holly soothingly ran her fingers through the blonde locks. "Talk to me."

Gail closed her eyes. She wanted to, she was tired of holding it all in and Holly was the only one she wanted to talk to, but she couldn't put that burden on the brunette. Holly already had her hands full with being pregnant, tying all loose ends at work, and dealing with tiptoeing around Gail all the time -not being able to fully relax and just have her wife.

"I'm fine. Emotional over baby stuff, y'know?" Gail tried to be as casual as possible, shrug it off as her being silly.

"Gail." If she had been looking she was sure Holly was giving her a head tilt. Holly's head tilt was the equivalent of puppy eyes, though could be used in more situations such as that one.

"Really, Hol, I'm good. Just a little maternity in my eye."

"I let it go last time, even when I knew you were lying, I'm not doing it again. I'm not leaving until you talk to me." Holly determinedly stated and started to sit down.

Gail quickly stood and stopped her from getting on the floor, it was hard enough for her to get off the couch. She grabbed both of Holly's arms firmly, "stop. Please just." Gail huffed a groan with the loss for words.

"Just what? Just let you worry about yourself, let you come up here and cry by yourself, leave you alone." Holly was angry now, her jaw set, but her eyes still held nothing but concern. Gail swallowed hard and looked to her hands. Holly stepped in closer to her wife, her baby bump almost brushing up against Gail's stomach. "Because I can't do that, I can't just stand by and watch you cry, hurt, feel alone. I won't."

"It's not like I haven't been my whole life. It's better this way." The bite was save from her tone, gone when the brunette raised her voice and met her gaze.

"No it hasn't, not in years. I understand that you don't remember, that it's not natural anymore, but you have to understand that it's not just you anymore, Gail. That's not how this works, it's you and me, always. I can't shut you out and you can't shut me out." She gradually lowered to below normal speaking volume, going from angered frustration to desperate.

Gail smoothed her hands down Holly's arms to stop and hold her hands instead. She took a moment to digest everything. Then she feebly nodded, "okay."

"Okay." Holly sighed with relief and squeezed the blondes hands.

Gail noticed Holly shift from foot to foot, a sure fire tell that her feet had started to bother her and she needed to get off them. She smiled lightly to herself and kissed one of her wife's knuckles. "Let's go eat before it gets cold."

"You still haven't told me what's up." Holly stubbornly kept her place when the blonde tugged her toward the door.

"I'll give you the sob story while we eat."

"Do you miss me, like, your wife?" Gail wondered into the night, the question, the worry had been on her mind since she was first told, and lying there with Holly using the same pillow was the first time she'd been brave enough to ask. Holly tightened her grip on Gail's shoulder.

"You're right here, Honey." She nuzzled her nose behind the blondes ear.

"We both know that's not true. Do you miss the me I was supposed to wake up as?"

"Not really, I've got you so it's not very different. You're still you." Holly drew circles into the pale skin of Gail's collarbone, ending her sentence with a soft kiss to her neck.

"Common, there's got to be something. Like not being able to reminisce, no inside jokes, you have to climb the walls and coax me out of the tree again, familiar touch, we are so awkward in whatever our relationship is even I cringe sometimes." As Gail listed off the things she had thought of, the baby wiggled about, always moving about when Holly laid down. She rubbed her hand over the baby, hoping to calm them so the brunette could fall asleep.

Holly chuckled. "It is weird isn't it?"

"Just a little." Gail grinned.

"As nice as those things are, I'm okay without them, rebuilding. There's no sense in morning someone in holding. Besides you've always been a pain in the ass and that's never going to change." Holly teased. "This gives a whole new meaning to something I said to you a long time ago."

"And what was that?"

"That you're not exactly a fairytale." She smiled at the memory. The adorable blonde just after a meltdown, hair a complete mess, starring up at her with the most trust and adoration Holly had ever felt. The kiss just after was nice too. "And still beautiful."

Gail's cheeks grew warm. "That line worked?" She mocked the brunette.

"Judging by the kiss I got afterwards, I'd say yes." Holly boasted. Her every breath ghosted on Gail's neck, drastically changing it from hot to cold and back again, slowly building a shiver to run through every bone in her body.

Gail hummed with mock disbelief. She settled further into the bed, rested her head against Holly's, and closed her eyes. She let the warmth, the love, of the woman next to her surround her, let the feeling envelope her every sense. Gail felt content for the first time in her life, truly, happily, content.

"Goodnight, nerd." She gave one last tease before going to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Gail wasn't an expert on pregnancy, on the different mood swings or hormones that came along with growing a person, but she was pretty sure the way her wife had been acting wasn't in part of it. It wasn't a mood swing, the quietness, the brush offs, the lack of eye contact, because it was all the time. There was no pause, no switch of directions. So it had to be something she did. Only problem was that Gail had no idea what she'd done, what she could have possible said or done to warrant Holly to lose the sparkle in her eye when they first saw each other after a long day at work.

She'd messed up on one late night run to the store, instead of grabbing raspberry tea she'd gotten strawberry, Holly had been upset about that. Upset but not mad. And it blew over in the morning when Gail woke her up with a fresh cup of raspberry tea. She even got a kiss.

Couldn't be the tea.

There was another time when Gail forgot to wash Holly's favourite lab coat and the doctor had to wear her spare, Holly had been mad then. But that couldn't be it either, it'd been too long for the brunette to be stewing about it still.

Gail tapped the steering wheel as she thought. For once she wasn't excited to go home, to walk into the house she was slowly beginning to call home, to hang up her coat and untie her boots, and shuffle I to the kitchen to find her pregnant nerd. Nerd, a nickname she only started referring the brunette by in the past week, a nickname Holly seemed to love. Gail really wanted to make up for whatever she'd done, there was an unsettling weight, dark and heavy, that grew in the pit of her stomach with each passing day Holly didn't meet her eye.

The freak outs? Maybe Holly was just realizing how stupid and hard it would be to keep her around, falling apart every other day, it'd happened twice already. Holly was probably tired of having to pick her up off the floor. Gail could understand, she wouldn't want to be on that end of any relationship, let alone with a baby on the way.

Gail parked in her usual spot in the driveway, not quite remembering how she'd already made it home. None the less she gathered her things and headed into the house with a defeated sigh.

The delicious smell of lasagna assaulted her senses as she untied her boots and placed them next to the little table that held keys and mail and a small vase empty of flowers. Gail made a mental note to fix that, bring home a bouquet after work. Before going to find her wife she decided to change out of her street clothes and get right into something comfy, anything to prolong the inevitable.

"Hey, hey." Gail hurried to the brunette's side, and placed her hand on Holly's arm to stop her from taking out the lasagna. "No. Let me."

Holly practically jumped out of her skin, pulling away harshly like Gail had burned her or something. She collected herself rather quickly with a clear of her throat.

Gail looked at her confused. Holly had never acted that way before, not even in the hospital. It was alarming to say the least. But she let it roll off of her and busied herself with serving them dinner.

"How was your day?" Gail asked around a bite.

"Good."

Gail nodded and looked back down to her plate. So Holly was still mad. Awhile passed before the silence rang far too loudly for her liking and she just had to break it.

"So, uh, anything new with the baby?" The baby was always a good topic, a never ending supply of conversation. "Pains, aches, symptoms?"

Holly coughed, choking on a bite of food. Gail was out of her seat and next to her wife in a flash. She pat Holly's back in an attempt to help her cough it up and breathe, luckily it worked and the brunette was spitting onto her plate of half eaten food. Gail kept her hand where it was, running soothing circles into Holly's back as she passed the brunette her glass of milk.

Her heart was racing, she'd never been more afraid then in that moment, not even when she was shot at on the job. Gail took the second Holly drank to calm her nerves. _Holly is breathing, she's fine,_ she repeated to herself.

"Are you okay?" Gail asked just above a whisper, suddenly closer to Holly than she expected to be. Holly jerked away with the same ferocity as before so she let up and took a step back, hand in the air in surrender. "I'm sorry. I, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"You don't. I'm fine, just the wrong pipe." Holly explained too tensely to be taken in the casual manner she had gone for.

Gail silently picked up her wife's plate and took it to the kitchen. As she waited for the fresh slice to heat up in the microwave she sent off a text to her new friend, Kim. After their little run in at the store Gail had, on her word, taken the woman up on her offer to talk. It'd started casually, asking a few questions she was too embarrassed or just couldn't ask Holly. Then they met up for coffee and Gail got to meet Kim's son, Ian, they talked more and Gail learned a lot. They fell into a friendship of sorts. Kim was Gail's go-to for baby inquiries, Gail was a breath of fresh air for Kim. It was new. So it was second nature to text off the question to her new friend.

The reply was surprisingly fast and she was thankful it was, she didn't know what else to do.

 _Encyclopedia: You're going to have to be more specific_

 _She's been jumpy and weird_

 _Encyclopedia: Doesn't sound like a symptom. Maybe she's nervous about the baby, it's getting really close_

So it wasn't symptom, it had to be Holly. Gail rejoined the table, careful not to touch the brunette when she placed the new plate on the table in front of her, but once she sat down Holly stood up.

"I'm not hungry anymore." The pregnant woman murmured and made her way to the living room.

Gail grabbed her wrist as she passed by, stopping her cold in her tracks, she could feel the kick of Holly's pulse quicken. "What's up, Hol? You've been acting weird."

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it." Holly brushed off.

"That's hard to do when you act like I tase you with every interaction." She stood and met Holly eye to eye. "Just tell me what I did so I can fix it."

"You didn't do anything." Holly dismissed.

Gail licked her lips, earning her a quick lip look from her wife. She tried to suppress the roll of excitement that ran through her. "Well something is going on."

Holly began pacing the floor, she looked uncomfortable, every movement of hers seemed uncomfortable. Gail couldn't blame her though, she was carrying around an extra twenty pounds, and the angles were weird too. But even so, she was beautiful, even more so than in their wedding pictures. There was a softness, a warmth, a promise, and as cliche as it was Holly was glowing. It brought a smile to Gail.

"I'm tense." The brunette settled on the two words.

"That can easily be taken care of with a massage."

"No!" Holly stopped her pacing with such a look of horror that Gail was almost offended.

"Believe it or not, Holly, it wouldn't be the first time. And the fact that you're pregnant doesn't change that, it's fine. You deserve one, even." Gail was even more confused then she had been before. Holly was tense, she could relive it, she didn't see what the problem was.

Holly bit her lip and shuffled nervously. When she spoke her voice was just loud enough to hear. "I appreciate the offer, Gail, I do. But it's not that. Kind of...tense."

Gail shot her a weird face. She thought she was lost before but this was a whole new world.

Holly looked to the ceiling as if the answer would be there waiting. She sighed. "There's an itch, that I can't scratch, because I'm too-I'm very pregnant."

If they were in a cartoon a lightbulb would have appeared over Gail's head as all the pieces fell into place. An _itch_. Gail knew all about those itches. She'd even had one or two in recent weeks, but she had taken care of them with her usual methods. Holly couldn't. Gail blushed at the thought of what that would look like, Holly taking care of herself.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. My hormones have been all over the place, and I thought I'd gotten over this phase. I'd been able to take care of it then, my belly wasn't so big, and it was easier to keep the feeling down because you weren't here. Though it didn't help either because it'd been so long." Holly was in a full on babble, working herself up. She sat back in her seat with a huff. "Now I'm not shutting up and making things worse. Please just ignore the past five minutes."

"Oh, Holly, no. You didn't-I'm fine, a bit caught off guard is all." She reassured calmly. Holly finally met her gaze, her dark eyes glassy as tears bubbled over her lashes, the sight was a punch to Gail's chest. She tentatively walked to her wife hand stroked her hair. "It's normal, Nerd, natural even."

"Can you please not...touch me. I can't-it just makes me." Holly trailed off and put her hands over her face to hide away from the current subject.

Wait. Gail paused what she'd thought a soothing touch. Did Holly jump from her every touch, and not make eye contact, because she made her... She didn't remove her hand, instead she tucked a strand of hair behind Holly's ear.

"Holly," Gail raised her chin with a few fingers and dropped her voice a bit, "I'd be very willing to scratch that itch for you. If you'd like."

Holly removed her hands from her face, her eyes considerably darkened and she shook her head. "I couldn't ask you to-"

"You didn't, I offered." Gail cut her off.

She tried to respond but nothing came out. So Gail took the moment into her own hands and pulled the brunette to her feet, placed her one hand back to Holly's cheek, the other on her side, and kissed her. Slowly and reassuring. She felt Holly sigh when she gently stroked her thumb over soft skin. It was unlike any of the other times they'd kissed, there was a charge to it, an undercurrent. It was leading somewhere, a place they hadn't dared to even broach subject to. She pulled back slowly but kept them close together, "come upstairs with me?"

Holly nodded slowly.

Gail leaned back in for another kiss and trailed her finger tips down to her wife's hands, entwining their fingers together. Just as she was pulling away there was a poke to her abdomen, a familiar jab of tiny limbs, she breathed a laugh and looked between them to Holly's belly.

"This is going to be interesting." She mused.

"Definitely a first." Holly's smile was still unsure, a war was being fought behind her eyes. Gail didn't like that.

"We should get to it then." Gail dropped her voice, letting it get heavy, enticing and reassuring the brunette. She watched as Holly swallowed thickly. She gave her hand a squeeze and then lead Holly up to their room.

Once in their room, door closed, Gail rushed around turning on bedside lamps and turning off the big light. When the lighting was better she gestured to the bed for Holly to sit, her feet had to be killing her, and the more comfortable she was the better. The night was for Holly after all. She just hoped she'd be able to live up to whatever expectations her past self had set, and if her history was of any consolation the bar was set high.

She slowly approached her wife, she had to remind herself of that title -that Holly was her wife, the one person she could trust in every situation imaginable-, and stopped when she reached the edge of the bed between Holly's legs. "Is this okay?" She asked quietly. Holly nodded. She placed a hand on either side of her wife's face and tilted her chin up just that extra bit, she brushed her thumb across Holly's bottom lip "and this?" Again Holly nodded. Gail leaned in, closing what little space they had between them, and caught Holly's lip in her own. She let Holly set the pace, let her tell her where they were at and what she wanted.

Slowly the spark grew into flames and their kisses went from nervous to needy, the desire they each felt showing more and more with every second. Gail lost her hands in the sea of dark hair, knotting and pulling, while Holly's had found purchase on Gail's hips digging into soft skin every time a moan escaped her throat. It was different than what she'd expected, what she was used to. The hunger was different, more intense, lips and skin were softer- more satisfying to touch, and the hair. Gail had no idea that running her hands through long hair, playing and tugging, was such a turn on for her. She wasn't sure if it was because Holly was a woman or if it was just because she was Holly, either way Gail liked it and never wanted to go back to what she'd always known. Holly was it for her.

Gail notices a tug on her shirt. It'd happened a few times but Holly still hadn't taken it off yet, hesitated to go beyond what Gail had given and it was frustrating if not adorable. She moved to kiss along Holly's jaw, savouring each one, until she reached her ear.

"If you want it off, take it off, Holly." She smiled into the tan skin when a shiver ran through the brunette, making tiny goose bumps appear under her lips. She changed course and tentatively went down the column of Holly's neck, across her shoulder and back to her collarbone, staying at a sweet spot that made Holly gasp.

Holly expertly unbuttoned her wife's shirt. She slipped her hands across Gail's stomach, ghosting over the pale skin she'd been craving for far too long, tickling up her sides. Gail had a shiver of her own, thoroughly enjoying the brunette's ministrations. She leaned forward as best she could but it wasn't quite enough to do what she wanted.

Hearing a low frustrated growl and feeling a puff of hot air against her skin Gail stopped, glanced at the mark she'd made, and pulled away to see what was wrong. Something was making Holly upset and that was the opposite mood she wanted her in. She caressed her wife's cheek to get her attention, "what's wrong?"

"I can't do what I want to because I'm too big."

"And do you want to do?" Gail trailed her fingers down Holly's arms.

"You."

Gail breathed a chuckle and brought their foreheads together. It was intimate, a feeling she'd never shared with any of her past lovers. She liked it. "How about I take care of you first? You have been waiting the longest." Goose bumps rose under her fingertips, dancing down the length of Holly's arms.

"Okay."


End file.
